Professions and Dating
There seem to be a lot of professions out there that strongly encourage that participants do not get involved in relationships, at least in the early stages. One of my friends who went through medical school told me that the administrators and professors regularly reminded students that getting involved with members of the opposite sex will affect their ability to study, pass exams, and ultimately survive medical school. I've heard the same caveat is presented to professional or aspiring athletes. I constantly hear complaints from my friends that are bankers (mostly men) who say that even if they want to date, they rarely find themselves outside of the office enough to actually meet someone to date. And if they do, good luck in finding the time to spend time with that person to get to know them. They said they were never told they shouldn't date, but the profession's demanding hours make it almost impossible. I've had a guy leave me halfway through a date because he had to go back to the office. And, I can say that the cab money, or chauffered car, thrown my way to make up for their early departure, didn't really compensate for the fact that I barely got to know them. Other girlfriends of mine have had the same thing happen.
I admit, this makes me thankful that I work in-industry. However, it sucks because it screws over dating any of these types of individuals. With b-school looming in the future, it does beg the question... does career chasing lead to lonely nights and empty beds for everyone?
posted by MBA Cutie @ 7:35 PM
6 Comments:
I have wondered the exact same thing. Trying to balance a career with hobbies and relationships seems pretty impossible right now. I know a super successful lawyer who is 38 and his longest relationship has been 3 months. I personally don't want to end up like him. I imagine our priorities will change once we meet someone worth changing them for. But will we meet that someone given our career choices, who knows?
it does beg the question... does career chasing lead to lonely nights and empty beds for everyone?
...thus spoke carrie bradshaw...
i wonder which one is sadder...that that's the first thing that came to my mind on reading that last line or the fact that the first thing i did after getting home from the movies on a sat night is to go to hella's site to check for blog updates..
MBA cutie's blog is indeed the sequel to "Sex and the city"
This is my 2 cents ..
I am sure it is difficult but one has to work it out. That is what we did (my girl and I)... we both have a busy career and have our own goals. She is an adjunct prof. in a local college and I work as an engineer for a corporate. Specially now as I am looking forward to apply to b-school in a year or so, my girl has been very supportive and understanding. We both have very different work-life yet equally and exhaustively demanding. We talk over each others problem everyday and address pressing issues right away. We dedicate a percentage of our time when at home to socialize and hang out with ourselves. If doing work at home we do it at the same time so one does not feel left out doing something all alone. We discuss our individuals situations at work and at home and together find solutions.
So I guess you can see the common theme of my message is that do things together, communicate everything and don't hold grudges or concerns at all; bring it all out (nicely) or ask the other if you feel that the other half is upset or something. Hang out as much as possible during weekends. This is the time when you can catch or make up for the time lost during week days due to work.
math_guru -
what do you do int he early stages of a relationship when you are just getting to know each other and can't communicate on that level yet?
And to give up your weekends, consistently, when you just met someone, isn't really possible.
I agree with you that once in a relationship, things can be worked out when busy schedules arise, but getting to that point of being in a relationship or for those that just want to date around a little, it's much more difficult to balance.
The beginning is always the trickier part or at least it seems to be so. This is what I think ...
In the earlier part of the relationship one needs to ask fundamental questions & be frank with the other "potential" person. Initially spend time on the phone prior to meeting the person. That way I think you can have a conversation and still be comfortable, as you are still in your space & so is the other person. Another advantage of talking over the phone is that say you are not really enjoying the conversation, in which case you can politely hang up. Once you get a feel of the character/ nature of the person over the phone you could meet up in person. Things will be much easier from then onwards. Since you are willing to meet up the person, it means you have found a common ground and you (and the person) are willing to let each other into some of their space.
But this is generic too. There is no one right method. It will vary for each person. Some of my friends are comfortable on IM. I find it emotionless. At least over the phone you can understand how the person is reacting, upto a certain extent.
There is a saying:" Make decisions with your intelligence but love with your heart." It is critical to know which one to use when. In the earlier stage, when you are trying to get to know the person, put on your thinking cap. Don't get knocked out by the looks. Once you are at the level where you realize you are having some feelings for the person, use both intelligence and your heart and then when you are in too deep in the relationship just use your heart, except when making critical decisions.
And for weekends in the beginning we met every other weekend & spent couple hours together. Ofcourse, we already had found a common ground over the phone. For us it was latin dance.So we spent every other weekend going for dinners, talking till the restaurant was about to close and then went dancing. There are so many things to do over the weekend. People change with time, so communication is the only channel that will keep the relationship up to date. Talk, ask & say as much as possible from the very beginning and encourage the other person to do the same.
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