Seducing the Ad-Com, Part 1: Who do I have to ....?

"In Search of a Sugar Daddy" will continue tomorrow. I'm sorry for the one day hiatus. Work has been insane and I haven’t been able to write the third installment, but I hope you enjoy today’s piece.

I was at a bar last weekend paying for a drink when I heard a frustrated girl yell out, "Who do I have to f--- around here to get a drink?" I was a bit put off by her crass announcement, but it did make me think. This girl was attractive enough that she certainly should not have had to wait as long as she did to buy a drink, yet the congestion, the loud music, the many older, wealthy, and unbelievably unattractive men waving their black American Expresses at the bartender probably did have an impact in her getting lost in the crowd.

I can't help but wonder, does the same thing happen to us in the admissions process? Are there so many wackos, superstars, and famous bureaucrats’ kids vying for the Ad Com's attention that many of us, no matter how sexy our figures, just sometimes get lost on the wayside? Naturally, this does beg the question, "Who do I have to f--- around here to get into XXX B-School?"

I'm not sure whether "f---ing" is really necessary, but let's say, we decided to go the f---ing route. Who do you have to f---? Well, first off, there are the members of the Ad-Com. But then, all members are not equal, and why should you put all that effort into trying to screw someone if they aren't going to have any pull in getting you into where you want to go anyway? So, all you MBA 1 and MBA 2 ad-com members: sorry, unless you want to round up every one of you that plans to review my application, you are out of the running. If I had to give advice on this, I'd say go the combo route. You know, an assistant admissions director here, maybe a few MBA 2 ad-com members there. Of course if you can nab someone of Caleel or Bolton's caliber, you should go for it. A dean or two may help your cause as well. Wealthy alumni that have donated sizable amounts to the school of your choice are always a great option – they have enough clout that the Ad-Com would certainly not want to make them mad. And what better way to validate their contribution than a "don't forget to tell the Ad-Com to admit me" tryst? But be forewarned: if you select the "f---ng" route, you may end up with a different sort of dilemma. The question will no longer be "WHO do I have to f--- around here to get in?" but rather, "Who ELSE do I have to f--- around here to get in?"

Keep an eye out for "Seducing the Ad-Com, Part 2: Get into B-School the Jenna Jameson Way".


DISCLAIMER: This article is for entertainment purposes only. No one was f---ed in the research or writing of this piece.